I got attacked by a goose when I was a kid. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up. An action packed stay in rehab. Do you have any advice, Mr. White? Now, Id just got off the ugliest phone call Ive ever had with my wife, and it was about that house, and part of that house was gonna be a rehearsal space for her band, and while I was shooting a pilot in Vancouver, it turned into a 24-track recording studio. Hes still having too much fun. Im not, and Ill tell you why, because if that piece of shits calibrated wrong, I could be convicted of something I didnt even do. He goes, Then I need you to do a field sobriety test. Im like, Just tell me what to do.. RT25: Celebrating 25 years of Rotten Tomatoes. I have no idea what color my asshole is. Streaming October 16 on Netflix. Regal , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. Is 'Are You There God? She goes, Look, its just on the wrong channel. Click. Thanks for playing our game. Just enough to keep from bumping into shit. He likes them big big. His answers are crass. Thats it. Im sure youre grateful. And these guys are laughing and dancing and drinking, and theyre having a fucking blast. Im in the road! Does a Z-pattern to get across. And just do a comb-over. [inaudible] I want to start off this evening by telling you something about me you may not know. It follows Bert Kreischer as he spills on bodily emissions, being bullied by his kids and the end to his familys escape room outing. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. All right, yall shut up. Vaginal rejuvenation. Maybe one day well be the big comics in Vegas, and our names will be on those big fucking signs. Okay. Turns out its a solid one. the press, a -- top -- as well as the family of evan gershkovich which -- while it is a star studded, lighthearted evening, there is that backdrop of serious issues going on. Cause I dont have the answer to a lot of lifes questions. All right. Nobody in this fucking room would do it. Fuck it. No, you fucking didnt. Do I leave? It was so fucking funny. Montreals a gorgeous city, and the festivals are done in 20 venues all over the town, beautiful thing. Were just gonna have lunch. Build a net. But I took her to Vegas. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Maybe a half a sandwich and a soup. Itll be fun. Im like, All right, lets go. And it was unbelievable, huge, all the big dildo companies were there, uh. All rights reserved. And I wet the bed! And Im like, Me too! And I never told him. So I really had to call and promote these shows and get everybody to come out, and I called this radio station in London. Because they rarely fucking die. What is the Spanish language plot outline for Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (2018)? I I got nowhere to be. After Id been there for a little while, I found out there was one part of Hotel Street on Oahu that you go to, and these really cute girls that jump in your car and blow you for five dollars. So I did my set, and Im out in the hallway talking to Joe Rogan and this guy comes up to me, in his early 30s, I would guess, very flamboyant, very nervous. Yeah! The other day I was watching Tarzan, the new Tarzan movie. Quit trimming it for a year. Thats it for tonight. This is, uh This is brilliant. See production, box office & company info, Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road, The Hall: Honoring the Greats of Stand-Up, : , . Heres another fair test: darts. Here's When It Returns With New Episodes, Drew Barrymore Halts Segment After "Severely Old" Mac and Cheese Noodle Flies off Her Desk: "It's Rock Hard". A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. Cheers, this is just special, right here. We keep hearing more comedians tell stories about the comedy business. And word of that spreads throughout the criminal community. Baby. Britain's most talented young bakers wow judges with cakes, biscuits, breads and more in this kid-focused spinoff of "The Great British Baking Show.". Somebody was peeing on me! .08 is a revenue stream for the federal fucking government, is what .08 is. Just his torso, blood coming out of it and just Chris Hemsworth kind of I dont want to pinch his nipples or anything. Ron White - Take 2 Viagra and demand a pat down. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. But I know if I wake her up trying to have sex with her, shell hit me in the face with a bucket of nickels I just spotted on the nightstand. [distorted] Wagyu beef taste like boot leather. One eyehole. Shes gonna overinflate him. No, this has to fucking happen. So I dont have go out and party money. And I dont need a new mugshot cause my last one was so good. Not the good frozen pizza, the other fucking frozen fucking pizza, and go back to the shitty little motel they rent us, and one night a week, Id let myself rent a porno movie, and Id call this date night. Now Ive got questions. My friend told me the other day that he wouldnt give his wife head unless she just came out of the shower, and I told him Ill give my wife head if she just came out of the gym. Im like, Theyre gonna know. I have sleep apnea, which keeps my wife awake. Fuck no, you have not. He also tweets@thecomicscomicand podcasts half-hour episodes with comedians revealing origin stories:The Comics Comic Presents Last Things First. Get too fat at the Golden Corral, go to the Dress Barn. Thats insensitive right there. Just lunch. Just lunch. But she was well within my budget. Do not try that at home. Just getting her done, and He wasnt there, but the three of us were. We dont even want it. I dont mean to seem ungrateful, but I got shit to do, Jeff. Ron White has his unique way to bring his jokes, with his heavy voice abused from years of cigars and alcohol he gets your immediate attention. And three hours after I met this chick, Im laying on my back going, [tightly] This bitch is crazy. And I was right. [silly voice] Just lunch and a blowjob! Lady in the first show goes, Whats in it for the woman? Im like, Lunch. [high-pitched] Its just lunch. And I dont know why, cause they used to sell duck tacos, nobody gave a shit. Well, Ive been here, but Ive never been here, and if I only Dead. Ive got go get a six-pack of beer and a frozen pizza. You ever notice nobody ever dies when you wish they would? 'Succession' Season 4 Episode 6 Recap: "Living+", 'Succession': Tom and Shiv's "Bitey" Game is the Horniest, Most Effed Up Thing Theyve Done Yet. Thats what I do. It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. Cause were looking for a gag gift, and if that doesnt gag her, I dont know what were going to use, cause its gotta be something big, you tell me. So if youre ever in Beverly Hills on Sunday night, go to the Four Seasons. And I would never go spend the night at anybodys house, cause I knew Id wet the bed and theyd find out I was a bed-wetter, and so far nobody really knew but my mom and my dad, and it was just my biggest secret. It doesnt matter what it fucking looks like. Thats why. That little spot tastes like Skittles. Fully-functioning organs are not necessary to watch Ron Whites new special, If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up. Thats all a cat has to do, is just, Pow! Theres so many dead cats on my street, it looks carpeted. It was a demo when I bought it, had 350 yards already on it, but I put the other 400 yards on it myself. No other fucking animal does this. Moxy and her colorful friends leave Uglyville on a quest to find a kid to love. Nobodys moving till we get across this street. They could have flown over the fucking street. I told him, Dont you goddamn do it. Tap "Sign me up" below to receive our weekly newsletter I just grabbed my big black dick and left. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Get in the car. In this hour, White regales his audience with anecdotes about a young fan approaching him at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, about how he lost his virginity at 18 over and over again to prostitutes, his offbeat presidential ambitions, and even how he tried to overcome his anxiety with bedwetting as a child. Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. I could piss like a fucking fire hydrant. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. Looks like hes trying to get the taste out of his mouth. It all smells like piss, dude. Thats an agility test, and Im not very goddamn agile, all right? Baby goose pussy [tripping over his tongue] makes wagyu beef taste like boot leath boot All right, Im gonna rewrite this sentence. Steals my sandwich. A little while back I was watching this documentary on transvestites, and they start talking about the transvestite scene thats been on Hotel Street on Oahu for 55years. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). What? Geese started flying through the engines of that jet. My pizza is done. Drunk driving. Fuck Rudders, uh Bone Depot, Shaft Crafters. And if youd like to buy the bicycle, just go to my house in Beverly Hills, and its 400 yards from there. Ill give you a second to get your arms around that. I ran, um I ran for president of the United States, and I dont think I won, because nobodys called and I quit watching television. [mooing] We have a chocolate waterfall and a cotton candy machine. Now, I think its a little strange that vaginal rejuvenation is fine, yet its illegal to roll back the odometer on your car. What's he doing? Its like you were waiting in line for two hours to ride a roller coaster and it finally shows up and the seats are kinda bumpy and worn out. His face is plastered all over Vegas and we are having a fucking blast. After dedicating years of service at a matchmaking company, Arini tries to piece together her mysterious past and memories of a former client. Whats the record? Thats what kind of person I am right there, 12 years old. The image is an example of a ticket confirmation email that AMC sent you when you purchased your ticket. Cinemark Theyre gonna know Im a fucking bed-wetter. Two brothers trying to make it as dancers open their own club, but their artistic drive soon clashes with the business, threatening their relationship. [audience whooping] Looked like somebody had stretched a Looked like somebody had stretched a rubber band over a gigantic head of cauliflower. Im like, What do I even do? A goose is the only animal on the planet could take a jetliner out of the fucking sky and make it land on the Hudson River. By creating an account, you agree to the Required fields are marked *. I fucking hate em. But let me tell you something, folks. If you tilt that a little bit, you can get it through that door. Ill show you dick.. Literally, people come from all over the world to buy stuff for their shops, and my wife said, My friends having a shower. Governor Schwarzenegger helped me with that second one, so I didnt have to do that one myself, so thats good. This is also his first stand-up special since his 2011's 'A Little Unprofessional'. My wife does yoga, and next to her yoga school in Beverly Hills, theres a spa that offers treatments that Ive never heard of. Numan1235cansunar2234comtr. Whats she doing to Wilson? Whiskey and ice cubes. No. Joe Rogan with Ron White on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia & Stealing Jokes From Comedians! And I was like, Goddamn, Ray! He said, Well, shes had three kids. Im like, What, for lunch? Theyre watchdogs. And now when I approach a toilet, and the lid doesnt automatically open, I just piss all over the top of it. Did you hear that? Did you just wake me up to ask me if I heard something? I let 150 dudes suck my dick? In the summer, I keep a bowl of limes right next to the salt shaker, and Ill just get a lime, squirt a little lime juice in there, little bit of salt, hunker down, do some pussy shots. As Egypt's last pharaoh, Cleopatra fights to protect her throne, family and legacy in this docudrama featuring reenactments and expert interviews. And the way he found out he didnt wet the bed, is he lived in Round Rock, Texas, and I hadnt really seen him in years, and I was doing this radio station and I told that story, and he called the radio station, You fucking pissed on me? In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. I dont have another eight goddamn dollars. And I called the front desk in a panic. I dont know if it just looks tired or sad, or worried about something it cant do anything about. 1,802, This story has been shared 1,410 times. I got like 20 tweets from one guy, going, My wifes pussy was burning like No, you didnt. Sure, they bleed to death in the trash can when you throw them away, but theyre baby ducks. 1,410, This story has been shared 1,216 times. And before the thing started, I had my tour bus up there, Jeff and I are sitting on my tour bus and this Golden Corral commercial comes on television, which is where Jeff works now. Based in NYC but will travel anywhere for the scoop: Ice cream or news. Another service they offer at this spa is a thing called vaginal rejuvenation. Shut up, youre supposed to shut up. Stream It Or Skip It: 'White House Plumbers' On HBO, A Comedic Take On The Bumbling Team Behind The Watergate Break-In, Stream It Or Skip It: Kiss, Kiss! on Netflix, a Polish Rom-Com With an Oogy Womanizer Protagonist. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. And Danny wakes up and he goes, I had a dream. I couldnt fucking breathe. 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Like, What? 20,592, This story has been shared 13,103 times. Traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. Ron White..Spa Day..If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut up..Reaction! Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Jurassic Park Movies Ranked By Tomatometer, RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes, Weekend Box Office Results: Super Mario Joins the Billion-Dollar Club. 1:03:21. Radical terrorist Canadian geese! You went to one of my shows, you She let you! That aint even kind of drunk. Now, I wont drive drunk, but I will ride with somebody that cant blow a .08 and not fucking know it. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. Thats all Im saying. Now, I dont know whats wrong with your vagina that makes you think it needs to be rejuvenated. Thats not a sobriety test. I walk out there and get shot, her and them dogs leave out the back door, hop in the Mercedes, live the life of Riley, while I bleed to death on that fucking rug she had to have. Cause usually if a woman is that beautiful at 40 and never been married, either they give horrible head or theyre completely insane. Well, I got stationed at Pearl Harbor. I think if it didnt keep my wife awake, I wouldnt know I had it. You ever seen a dead goose anywhere in your goddamn life? Now Ive never walked in the doors of this place, and I dont know exactly what theyre up to, but apparently some people are really unhappy with the color of the old bunghole. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Im a 61-year-old raging alcoholic, motherfucker. Or thats what it said in the deposition. Always has been. I started this tour a while back in Las Vegas, and while I was there, I was walking down the Strip, my wife and I, and theyre having a sex toy convention, which is one of their five biggest conventions of the year. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. What?. I mean, I wet the bed all the fucking time and I just hated myself for it. Let me show you some skills. Now I dont know if they have a color in mind when they start, or if you just bleach it and get whatever the fuck you get. 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And you cant un-fuck the housekeeper. And I wear wild socks, and So Im having breakfast in this restaurant across the street from the hotel Im staying in, by myself, and I finish with my meal, I realize I dont have any money. Even when he forgets a line he's funny, he's never panicking, on the contrary he'll make it even funnier. These places are packed to the fucking rafters at 2:30 in the afternoon, seven days a week. Coming Soon. Get a dress the size of a fucking barn and come on back to the Golden Corral. [mooing] They call it Golden Corral, of course, because somebody was already using the name Ye Olde Fat Fuckery. You know why? And he comes up to me and goes [high-pitched] Mr. And I know that a gold star lesbian is a woman whos never had any dick not once ever in her life, and Ive never had any dick not once ever in my life. Leaves me shudder-crying. Te gust Big Jay Oakerson: DOG BELLY ?, descubre pelculas del mismo gnero y temticas, pelculas como Dave Chappelle: 8:46, Mike Epps: Indiana Mike, Kyle Kinane: Trampoline In A Ditch, Rose Matafeo: Horndog, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up,. Id have peed on both of them, but one of them was too fucking high and I was like, Id piss on the wall trying to piss on that guy. This is my new idea. The money sadly aint much better for aspiring stand-ups in 2018 than it was some two or three decades earlier for White. A Tourists Guide to Love Filming Locations: Where Was the Rachael Leigh Cook Movie Filmed? Hes lucky I dont know where hes buried. Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. Watch Ron White only on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/in/title/80244900Follow NETFLIX IS A JOKE:Facebook: www.facebook.com/NetflixIsAJokeTwitter: www.twitter.com/NetflixIsAJokeInstagram: www.instagram.com/NetflixIsAJokeSUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. That Yale snob fucking piece of shit, fucked me out of so goddamn much money. Dont worry about them. White I was always going to tell you if I ever met you that when my father was alive, you were his favorite comedian by far. I said, Thank you very much for telling me that, man. And I was about 12 years old and I had gone three months without wetting the bed. Nobody gives a shit. Unless one of them wet the bed. And as a 12-year-old, I make a conscious decision to piss on my friend to make me look better. Streaming Schedule, Season 5, Part 2 Debut Info, 2023 NYP Holdings, Inc. All rights reserved, Stream It Or Skip It: 'John Mulaney: Baby J' On Netflix, The Stand-Up Comedian's Post-Rehab Return To Center Stage, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Alex Borstein: Corsets & Clown Suits' On Prime Video, Mrs. Maisel's Manager Takes The Stage To Sing And Sling Jokes, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Louis C.K. 13,103, This story has been shared 7,786 times. After his miner grandfather's death, Pancho travels with his wife and kids to his hometown, where chaos ensues with his relatives over the inheritance. Or if theres some paint chips and a tray of Smile Bright. You know, they do that now. If you dont know what they look like, it looks like a pug was raped by a fruit bat. It's Me, Margaret. Oh, you can see it in their eyehole. Theres nothing you can do about it. Im not gonna do it. All rights reserved. Its a dating website and I actually saw another dating website that made me think of mine. I got a good idea, Tommy. Okay, heres mine: Just lunch, and a blowjob. This is how the conversation ended. They all look like fucking tents. And we decided on a date that we would do it, and we decided to do it from the Punchline here in Atlanta in front of a live crowd, and it was really fun. I just told her the other day. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. For all New peeps to my channel, plz like and Subscribe and hit that Notification bell for Future Videos.Weekly. 3,426, This story has been shared 3,036 times. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 Directed by Tom Forrest Synopsis Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Trying to make this funny, sell some comedy tickets in a land where you dont play my shit. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 16+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Cause I dont care if shes a little salty. Is she there? Big old round uns, big old muumuu and 400-plus, great big old big uns. She goes, Listen, Ron. Profane. Apparently there were some unanswered questions in Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets. And You Might Be A Redneck had been the number one-selling comedy album in the country for a year and a half. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. Viagra. Ron White: If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up | Stand-up Special Trailer [HD] | Netflix Netflix 25.4M subscribers 118K views 4 years ago Fully-functioning organs are not necessary. [whistling] Im on break. No. Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. I got to what? One anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint if you crash your car into it. I fucking hate geese. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. And the guys over there still think theyre hot.
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