She is trying to keep him from his family, I really hates her! I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills. Thank YOU for posting. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on July 27, 2010: Hi Laila, there is so much to know before I can really help. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, on My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, 1. For the first 8 months we got along very well. A grandmother writes in asking for advice after she thought she was doing right by her son's girlfriend when she purchases all they could ever need for their now 7-month-old child. And father. Kids, especially teens in their first relationship, may not recognize the signs of a toxic relationship. All she talks about is herself. The woman that my son has fallen for is extremely, apologetically disrespectful as well. Another persons perspective might help him see his girlfriend for who she is. Right now, you are being the major bump. I was in the process of selling my house and relocating us. I even renovated her house and spent lots of money but now there is a problem when i support my girlfriend. Keep in mind that my son and I were close. He chose a young girl over his own family knowing she disrespected me. I am right there with you! He's going to let her ruin his life. No one likes to throw away love. Seriously. Just emotionless responses or civil remarks. !Grow up. Up until then, my son and I could talk about any and everything and we would talk for hours. Thanks for stopping by! I sent hours on my patio scraping the mildew off and letting it sit in the sun to kill off what I could. Do you have a favorite board game to play next time? I have gone out of my way and bent over backwards but yet I cannot understand her personality. I'll love you no matter what." Mo Mulla is a work from home dad who enjoys reading and listening to music, He loves being a dad and husband to a growing family. After her relentless begging, I decided to let her move in because I thought the only way he is going to know her is to live with her. Plus, you have been a great financial help to your mother, and she might feel that you will be strapped if you also have to support your girlfriend, too. When I told my son that a woman who does not cook for herself, will not cook for you, he replied "women don't cook anymore." APRIL 20 ORIGINAL COWBOY DIES Former NFL running back Don McIlhenny, who in 1960 scored the first rushing touchdown in Dallas Cowboys history, has died at the age of 88. Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on November 03, 2015: All great advice, Lori. I panicked and began to shout which only sent them both farther away. Your email address will not be published. Use humor. It feels bad because the person has some good or redeeming qualities and there could be some good feelings and even love there. I thought this was bad enough! And since I had not ever met her, she would reply to my son and my private conversations PUBLICLY on social media (repeatedly). However, if he can learn from patterns in life, he must understand that ultimately, he cannot fix her. You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. This way, he can see you are not being mean or negative towards her in any way. It was sudden. 2,799. Recently, her family has started coming after her for child support and her mother is entitled to this since she is caring for her kids. THIS GIRL IS TRULY A BAD INFLUENCE.SHE CONSTANTLY DRINKS, SHE HAS TWO CHILDREN THAT SHE DOES NOT CARE FOR. No bad-mouthing, no cursing, no anger. He pays them rent, buys all their groceries, makes the car payment(oh and both his name AND her Dad's name is on the title but my son said he is the one who makes the payment). They spoke emotionally about how starting in June 2020 through the spring of 2021, O'Connor allegedly hosted parties for her teenage son and his friends, "facilitating and watching" their sex acts . Please remember to keep everything positive and loving or your mother will accuse your new wife as the bringing of bad feelings or coming between mother and son. "Are you angry with us? I said u better be honest to me, and he was firm that he said no! He only said the girl didn't come to the house because he got panicked when I asked him if the girl came and if he said yes that I'm gonna get mad. If you feel you need to know intimate details about her, ask your son in private. Period. Parents may see through their sons girlfriend, but there are other red flags keep an eye on. Moving on, as my son got the career opportunity, Scarlet came every week and they lived on the phone 24/7 because she cheated on him twice and he could not trust her. "One reason why I fell in love with her is because she is a lot like you in that she is very caring and kind." Then the exams started and they chose to see each other on the Saturday. You may want to introduce an activity that keeps them occupied instead of spending time with the manipulative partner. My husband ignore what he saw but he told me about it. We advised to keep one subject he is on top of, as he has always said if he took a gap year he will never go back to study! If she comes with serious emotional baggage, including mental or physical illness or addictions and he loves her enough to take her as is, you need to step aside and allow him to walk the life path he chooses. 6. Parenting teenagers is not easy, but understanding the issues they struggle with can help everyone involved. He also loves writing about his passions and hopes to change the world, 1 blog post at a time! enlightenment yoga in astrology; frangible bullet wound. Published Jun 16, 2015. In fact, shower your mother with lots of love and attention when your new wife is around so she will associate your wife with good times and loving feelings from her son. The only thing that saved him is that the kids were in another state. It's no longer about what you want for him or what you think is best for him. If you wait and hes in a bottomless pit in the relationship, it may take longer for him to listen to your concerns. In this way, you will show him that it isn't that you do not "like" the girl. He does not seem concerned for his son's health and well-being. Is is possible to have a frank talk with him--no judgment, criticism or forcing of opinion--just to express how you'd like to get to know her? Everyone has value. I didn't critize her when she relayed through my son, how mean it was of me to overlook doing something for her to celebrate her first mother's day. He said sorry but it didn't change the the fact that he lied to me! Have they always treated you this way? He has basically dumped his family. I don't want to talk to my son. But once you say this, don't harp on it or bring it up continually. The fact that they began to date when she was only 15 shows me that he might like playing the older, wiser man. It is too much to even write. Three months to a 16-year-old sounds like eternity, and a broken girl like her will seek out another fixer. I was sick. Before you act on any of this, I suggest you speak with a family court representative or attorney to see what your rights, as a grandparent, are. I would always take my sons side and this caused a rift between ALL of us. This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him. However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on November 04, 2015: Good for you, Bill. If you have to live with your mother's disapproval, so be it. I can't support this relationship any more and he doesn't get it! My son had 2 vehicles at the time and didn't need another one. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. I mean, I . What could they have in common other that sex? Her mom kicked her out of the house a fact we recently just found out as his girlfriend told us she moved out. But this article gave me too a different perspective. If she is trying to distance him from you or his family. Often, controlling people fear losing power and a need to influence the world . She is an only child and she also works at the same place of employment as our son. What should I do. It's a hormone thing in many people. These people love him because he gives them everything they want. Always bragging. The real issue is not about accepting your son's girlfriend, but rather accepting the choices that you as the parent make. I felt two yrs ago there would be an issue with this girl and her family and it is so bad right now. My son started treating me bad - I became the bad guy! If its out of control, then you might want to keep them grounded for a while. Concentrate on your relationship with him. Practical Tips & Advice For Everyday Parenting. She lied about being pregnant last year, she has cheated on him and he still chooses her. Can I Use Apple Cider Vinegar for Babies? She has to have the desire to fix herself. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and so she can continue being the sweet, considerate future daughter-in-law and melt away your mother's disapproval with kindness in time. Normally, I don't feel that I would be so hard on a girl but this woman has a lot of gall!! It is heartbreaking. If she heartlessly uses your sons emotions to make him agree to her terms. Once my son hit high school, my once sweet boy began having sex, smoking pot, and drinking. Needless to say, it infuriated me!! As a mother, you're concerned about your son getting involved in a committed relationship at such a young age, and that is completely understandable. Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till 18. Do you think that you might have over-controlled your son? He had told me during the long conversation that she didnt do family visits, doesn't speak to her only sister as she's jealous of her, She enjoys going out for expensive meals.He has since lost his job and is doing a course at Uni, we offered to help him out financially as much as we could afford, but to her that wasn't enough, she is high maintenance and has demanded money from us to pay her rent for him. Now they want to get MARRIED!!!!! She met him during his LAST semester of college and moved into his small dorm (apt) room in an apt that 3 other young men shared. We have asked he try to have a few days apart from her solely for his own mental health,self time for hobbies and study. Reach out and make the effort. We made the mistake of letting her live in our home 5 months ago and my home has become so uncomfortable that we have asked her to move out. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on December 24, 2012: Don't make a big deal about their engagement. It might be understandable that your mother has reservations about this girl because your previous relationship with a woman did not survive. Our son has been dating a girl for 1 year. My son's girlfriend doesn't like me and has banned me from visiting the house, I am not allowed to attend family birthdays or other events like Christmas, Easter etc. You kicked him out. Her clothing, car, finances, education, family background, and hobbies are compatibility matters for your son to think about. She did not clean unless told (I say told because she never offered) and she did not cook (she said no one taught her) and so I tried. Thanks very much! I have a son, only child, he just turned 18 and just graduated from high school. Be sure to tell them you love them. Offer him counselingeven couples counseling before they walk down the aisle. How do you intervene without becoming an anti-girlfriend bad guy? Because we only have his best interests at heart. My problem is a little different. Not looking for serious work as she supports him with his dealing. How do I approach this issue as it is emotionally draining me. If his girlfriend is prone to violence, she poses a risk to your son and any future children. My heart feels broken into a million pieces.please help me understand if Im doing something wrong. If you've encouraged his free will and chosen your battles wisely, he'll more likely be receptive to your sincere input as an adult. My mom, myself, my family, we didn't celebrate Mom's day this year. In-love with love notwith you. And, honestly, why should I when I have to stay in the car at her place. If this girl is important to him than she is important to you, too. Her views on sensitive or controversial topics such as religion or politics. We spent a week at the beach for spring break just last week and had another girl with us my younger sons girlfriend, Matts girlfriend in a full 7 days never spoke to her once it was obvious she was jealous, I cannot even imagine not speaking a week to someone that I was in the same condo with. Some lucky people do. As his mother, you have the right to forewarn him of upcoming problems that may stem from differences in faith and other areas of incompatibility, for example. She claims to be a witch. She sent me a horrible message asking me why I am doing this and it's not fair. He is experimenting with other personality types than those he has been used to dating. No socialization there . This is a tough one. I said okay, but changed his mind and said, give me $30 instead because I want to treat "the girl" with me! So my question is, what should I do? She's young and she'll go through a lot of changes just within the next few years alone. And honestly, I didn't like the girl for my son! Redirecting to /talk/behaviour_development/a1209810-Sons-girlfriend-doesnt-say-hello-to-me-or-my-wife-when-she-comes-to-our-home. It's that she's so bloody rude! I once had a dream that my family was outdoors in the backyard, enjoying our sweet kitties. The easiest way to break tension is to share a laugh. He doesn't have to meet your approval or work against it. We asked our son what this was all about and I brought up several reasons including the possibility of her being pregnant. In fact, if you have been too controlling throughout his upbringing, expect that this will be a time for him to establish his own independence. Another persons perspective might help him see his girlfriend for who she is. He goes to college and comes home. From then on, be kind and open-hearted towards her and her parents. Explain to him how his girlfriends behaviour is undesirable. You dont own him alright??! Say, "Mom, no other woman can take your place in my heart--ever." The other day I ran into the mother of my middle son's former girlfriend. Your son is going to college so he is working towards a goal. A manipulative relationship can lead to intimacy, trust, respect, and security problems. This is where all of your loving parenting in the past will be put to a test: Will he trust you over his girlfriend? Keep in mind there is a court appearance coming up. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. It's hard not to mother our children, even if only in tone of voice and energy. I felt like I was babysitting a 26 year old child. Do not be that bump! The human family is like a wolf pack. I even cook or order pizza for them when they like to watch movies or karaoke. :). He is an adult and doesn't seem to be concerned about her sitting around smoking all day, not cleaning up or contributing to the bills. (as he was joking on his text) I said, I only like her because she's nice to our dog, but I don't her for you as your girlfriend! So, anyway we moved to another house recently and this girl always comes to my house with her friends and sometimes they just hang out and eat at my house which is okay with me because they're my son's friends. When the opportunity arose, we did mention that it might be a good idea to look into their future together to see what type of mother and wife she would make because he would have to fill in for any of her deficits there. I feel bad about my son lying to me of her. He had a family before he got with her. Youre his mom and that doesnt mean you can be his gf or wife. My family and I were sure to surround my son with lots of love all the time so he knew what a loving family he had and what he would be missing if he had to make a choice. Ouch. Love your son without forcing ultimatums. Don't nag him about college or breaking up with her. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on March 13, 2018: To Gigi: You've already done something that I wouldn't have done. Her baby was born Dec 2012. Unfortunately, your deeply in love son may not yet be in a position to differentiate an unhealthy relationship from a healthy one. Good luck. Do your best to show how your wife has increased the joy in your life and their lives (your parents'). The right girl for him will love his family, too, because his family is a big part of him and who he is. I asked my son again, if she is his girlfriend, and said, no! He does do things with us occasionally. I'm afraid we have failed miserably with my son's recent girlfriend. "She is such a hard worker.". Same for the drugs and drinking as they are underage and you could be in big trouble for allowing it in your house. We went to visit him a few months ago, we emptied his flat which we are now having to rent out to cover the mortgage payments. Why else would a decent young man tolerate a girl who mistreats or disrespects his parents whom he loves? If she hasn't visited him, that is a clear sign--and should be to your son--about her loyalty. What occurred next is when I saw my son next I pointed out the stains and explained what I had to do. Unfortunately, that was the beginning of his down fall. Be honest and help him connect the dots between his relationship and the manipulative behaviour. Anything I say or do is considered wrong and I no longer know how to behave . My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. This way, he'll learn quick that you are not controlling or directing his choices. You have had decades with him while she has had only a year or so. Anyway, at this time she is refusing to let me see my grandson. Consider getting help, especially if your son is in an abusive relationship. We moved to a different town to be closer to aging parents, and he continued to drive an hour and a half every day to see her (he would go after/before his job). All the smooth talks, creepy or stalking tendencies from their partner, are a sign of love. The right girl will bring more love and joy to the family as the family grows. For kids who have led the straight and narrow lifestyle for all their lives, the rebel or laid back lifestyle suddenly can feel liberating. We have carted them about, they never offer petrol. ian thomas drummer heart attack; poeme sur l'enfance malheureuse. On occasion when I see her, I am always the one to say hello (I was raised right). Then there was the mornings she would stay in bed and my son trying to wake her but she wouldn't get up. Then, something said, "Call to the kitten." My son who is still in college for another at least 3 yrs. I can share our own experiences with our son (he has been in several tough relationships.) This article is interesting and offers good advice. But they don't like my girlfriend we had some issues in the beginning but I don't blame my girlfriend there were alot of outside interference. fintech startups internship; did jimi hendrix play at harlem cultural festival 1969? This is why it's essential to listen to the people who know you best and love you most (like your siblings . If he were unhappy, I can understand your wanting to change his situation. They will remember all of your loving care you gave them through the years and eventually, they will change their behavior towards you.
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